Selfish Pity Parties

I once saw a little boy who was dying. Despite my initial reaction to try to ignore it, I could tell that he wouldn’t make it another week. I sat by him, trying to hold back my tears, but at the same time all I could think about was my many material things that I had at home- my little car, my precious computer, and my beautiful room. I thought about every time that I wished I had ‘more’ and ‘better’; the times that I wished my car was brand new, my computer was faster, and my room was bigger. For that reason I hated myself at that moment. I was so selfish and I needed to see a dying little boy to realize it. At that moment I vowed to myself that I would never again be selfish. There was nothing I could do for this little boy, I couldn’t save him and I couldn’t really even comfort him; but I knew that I never again would have anything to be selfish about.

The problem with humans? With myself? I’m awful at keeping promises, even with myself. Because I’m sinful and selfish. Within moments and even days of being home I broke my promise and I was selfish again.

My blatant hypocrisy didn’t hit me until the other day. I was lying in bed with a sinus infection.  My head hurt, my throat hurt, I couldn’t breathe, and I wanted it to stop. My mom was on a much deserved vacation, and my dad was taking a much deserved nap. No one was coming to ‘comfort’ me. I selfishly began to cry. I started crying because no one was there. Not because I was in pain, but because no one was next to me. But suddenly I stopped. What was I doing? Sure, I was sick. Sure, I didn’t feel good. But I do have support, I do have people who love me, they just weren’t there at that moment. They didn’t need to be there to know that they love me. All of a sudden I couldn’t get that precious little boy’s face out of my head. He was dying and had NO ONE. I wasn’t dying. I just had a cold but I have everyone, my family, my parents. I had no reason or right to cry. I was fine. That day I decided that it was time that I tried my hardest to stop my selfish pity parties and instead channel my energy and emotion to doing all I can for those less fortunate, for those more desperate than me, and for those who haven’t yet received the free gift of salvation. It’s time that I stop worrying about myself and instead give myself to God’s work, fully and completely.

Philippians 2:3

But in humility count others more significant than yourselves