Lots of people ache
emotionally. It is an ache that starts in your soul and spreads to your inner
most being and then continues to spread until it feels like it has reached your
very bones . Some ache for places: the ache to return to the place that you fell
so deeply in love with because you gave so much of your heart away.
My soul aches for
Haiti. It is not because I hate the life
or the place that I live in now. In fact, I'm thankful for the life that God
has given me. I simply do not feel at Home
here in the world that I have grown up in. Months ago my thoughts, prayers, and
actions were consumed by the desire to return or the longing to just be there. I had convinced myself that if I
could just stand in Haiti I would be where I belonged. Everything would feel
right.
So, a couple of
weeks ago my feet were covered with Haitian dust. The crazy thing is even as I
stood in the country that I love so much I still was not completely satisfied. I
was at peace, I was happy, and I felt like I was where I was supposed to be.
But there was a small portion of my hear that was still telling me that I don't
belong in Haiti either.
Frustrated, I cried
out to God: "I yearn for Haiti when I am in the States and when I'm in
Haiti I don't feel completely at peace… where am I supposed to be?"
Almost as if he was
smiling, God revealed the truth. The truth is why realty reality TV has couples
searching for homes and buying a house
that they are never completely happy with. It's why people move from house to
house searching for a home. Our home doesn't exist on this earth. We were made
to live with our heavenly father. Our home is
in Heaven. I could travel all around the world searching for where I feel most
at home, but I will never ever find that
place. Not until I go to be with my Heavenly father will I be Home.
When I travel on
trips I never want to come back to Tennessee. But, my favorite part of
returning is coming off of the plane, turning the corner in the airport, and
running to my parents arms. I love burying my body in their embracement. I feel
like all of my problems and doubts melt away. That is what heaven is going to
feel like, but better. We will run into the embrace of our Heavenly Father.
Everything will be made new.
The reason that I
feel so much more at home in Haiti then I do in my house is because on mission
trips, we are living out God's calling, we are close to his will, and we are
living what we were made to do. We are closer to his heart and so we are moving
closer to where we belong, closer to home.
So, Home isn't a place anymore. Home is when and where I obey and listen to
the will of God.
Home is where the heart is and my heart is
with Jesus.
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind.'
-Matthew 22:37
