Dear Shepherd,
Since my very first days in China, I knew that
you and I would get along. From playing with you and watching you giggle in that
shoulder-shaking-way-of-yours, to giving you noise making toys in preschool and setting you down the hall to explore, I began to look forward to spending
as much time with you as I could.
You became the reason why I
got myself out of bed on those hard days. To walk into your room and see you
being loved by your nannies, napping in a sprawled out way, or quickly crawling
towards breakfast, warmly filled my heart with joy. I realized I loved you when
I watched you playing with others and praised the Lord for how they made you
laugh and giggle.
During those few short months, I spent many a moments
peeking into your room and looking for you in the hallway. I knew your squeal
and laugh as you talked with your nanny, and my love for you dragged me into
the hallways so I could squish your cheeks and blow kisses to your open hands.
You have crawled away with my love. I carry your face on my phone, on my computer, and close to my
heart. Hours find me desperately wanting to talk about you, sharing with others
my infatuation for your sweetness and quirkiness, and watching and rewatching
videos of our precious afternoons spent together.
My deepest desire for you in this life is for you to be held
in someone’s arms forever. To be rocked and to be loved on a minute-to-minute
basis. To be loved despite your imperfections and to be cherished for your
differences. And I pray that you would grow to learn of our Heavenly Father. Our
God who put you on this earth for an immensely specific purpose and who
intertwined our stories.
And perhaps selfishly, I pray that one day I may see you
once again. A day when you and I can spend moments full of continuous laughter
and love.
It is often that you crawl straight into my mind and I
recall our moments spent together. I often think about where you are now and
what you are doing. Are you eating everything you can get your hands on? Are
you preciously drooling as you nap? Are you playing with your nanny?
And in these moments I bring you before the throne of our Heavenly
Father. Shepherd, you are not mine. You do not belong to anyone on this earth.
You belong to our sovereign and gracious God!
Shepherd, I believe the world should celebrate because God
has given us you. He has given us the gift of your sweetness, your love for
food, your hilarious crawl, your love for all things loud, your preciousness,
and your love for making a splash. Life may not be easy for you, but I pray
that the love of those who adore you and the loving-kindness of your God will
fill you with a hope and a joy that will sustain you.
Love is never easy and a love that crosses oceans,
countries, and cultures is that much harder. But, my dearest Shepherd, despite
the way my heart aches for you; I would never trade our moments for a life
without you.
I walk this life a changed person for your little hands and
feet have touched my heart and I will carry your story with me for all the days
of my life.
I love you dearly,
Sarah
