Dear Shepherd

Dear Shepherd,

Since my very first days in China, I knew that you and I would get along. From playing with you and watching you giggle in that shoulder-shaking-way-of-yours, to giving you noise making toys in preschool and setting you down the hall to explore, I began to look forward to spending as much time with you as I could.

You became the reason why I got myself out of bed on those hard days. To walk into your room and see you being loved by your nannies, napping in a sprawled out way, or quickly crawling towards breakfast, warmly filled my heart with joy. I realized I loved you when I watched you playing with others and praised the Lord for how they made you laugh and giggle.

During those few short months, I spent many a moments peeking into your room and looking for you in the hallway. I knew your squeal and laugh as you talked with your nanny, and my love for you dragged me into the hallways so I could squish your cheeks and blow kisses to your open hands.

You have crawled away with my love. I carry your face on my phone, on my computer, and close to my heart. Hours find me desperately wanting to talk about you, sharing with others my infatuation for your sweetness and quirkiness, and watching and rewatching videos of our precious afternoons spent together.

My deepest desire for you in this life is for you to be held in someone’s arms forever. To be rocked and to be loved on a minute-to-minute basis. To be loved despite your imperfections and to be cherished for your differences. And I pray that you would grow to learn of our Heavenly Father. Our God who put you on this earth for an immensely specific purpose and who intertwined our stories.

And perhaps selfishly, I pray that one day I may see you once again. A day when you and I can spend moments full of continuous laughter and love.

It is often that you crawl straight into my mind and I recall our moments spent together. I often think about where you are now and what you are doing. Are you eating everything you can get your hands on? Are you preciously drooling as you nap? Are you playing with your nanny? 

And in these moments I bring you before the throne of our Heavenly Father. Shepherd, you are not mine. You do not belong to anyone on this earth. You belong to our sovereign and gracious God!

Shepherd, I believe the world should celebrate because God has given us you. He has given us the gift of your sweetness, your love for food, your hilarious crawl, your love for all things loud, your preciousness, and your love for making a splash. Life may not be easy for you, but I pray that the love of those who adore you and the loving-kindness of your God will fill you with a hope and a joy that will sustain you.

Love is never easy and a love that crosses oceans, countries, and cultures is that much harder. But, my dearest Shepherd, despite the way my heart aches for you; I would never trade our moments for a life without you.

I walk this life a changed person for your little hands and feet have touched my heart and I will carry your story with me for all the days of my life.

I love you dearly,

Sarah

Just Life in China

Living abroad has its ups and downs… as to be expected, and China is no exception. We rarely actually leave on time, things hardly work out how we want them to, and our plans are thwarted. All.the.time. In these instances, all we can do is shake our head and say “That’s just life in China.”

And in the chaos of a life far from predictability, I have faced the rawness of my impatience, and ugly entitlement that I fear my cushioned, semi-controllable, and American life encouraged.


A few examples from the past week:

On Saturday, Emma and I had these ‘elaborate’ plans to head to the center of Luoyang to blog while sipping coffee in one of our favorite coffee shops, then to grab lunch at a noodle place (yum!), and to top of our wonderful day with grocery shopping! But little did we expect that all taxi drivers went on strike. Every.single.one. Taxis are the only way that Emma and I can get around seeing that we can’t/won’t drive scooters (go figure), don’t have a Chinese drivers license (we would die), and we haven’t quite mastered the bus system (stressful). A couple hundred Chinese taxi drivers had thwarted our perfect plans.

We literally stood by the window for a good ten minutes, praying that the taxis would come out of nowhere, the strike would be over, and we could go on our merry way.

Then, earlier this week, Emma and I went with our ‘boss’, his son, and our wonderful Chinese medical translator to one of Show Hope’s new units that is not yet open. We began setting the place up to eventually hold some precious kiddos. This included putting together cribs, hanging up quilts, and other random tasks. Emma, Bradley, and I were tasked with putting together 36 baby cribs while Nate and Polly went to look at furniture. We couldn’t wait to get started and to whip these cribs out!

We started out great and grew so confident that we began timing how long it took to put together a crib. After our second or third crib, we were able to put one together in ten minutes! Woohoo! Then we hit our first ‘difficult’ crib. These cribs are literally China made… which means that every hole may not match up, and that every thing may not fit together perfectly. We worked for twenty minutes on the crib and couldn’t get it to fit together… so we put it aside for Nate to look at. We kept working… and getting stuck again and again. One or two screws wouldn’t fit and the entire crib couldn’t be completed. Soon we had three or four cribs in a room of twelve cribs that we needed help with.

Needless to say, we were all groaning a little bit more, praying under our breath, and tiring more and more easily. This was not just hard work; it was unpredictable, difficult, and downright frustrating hard work! These cribs were not agreeing with our plans. I sat there, almost wanting to cry- I just wanted to put these cribs to easily go together!


Maybe it’s the struggle of being a type-A, firstborn perfectionist. But, I would challenge that most of us who have grown up in the States have become accustomed to a world that abides by our plans. A world where we can generally go on our merry way, without hindrance, and every nut and bolt fits perfectly for us. A world where we challenge the idea that we need Jesus.

In this season of life, living in the its-just-China makes me more and more aware of my desperate and deep need for a Savior who came so that I could have full and joyful life in Him. He shows me that a life that matters is not a life where everything goes my way, but a life that truly matters is a life that is rooted in Him.   

Our first night in Luoyang! Do we look jet lagged? :)  

Four years ago we came to China for the very first time!

Exploring sketchy elevators??

We can now make some MEAN quesadillas. 

Yummy! Oreo Popsicles!

Working or playing?? 

Somedays you just need some ice-cream...

After a long day of putting together cribs, we had to have some Coffee... so that we could work long into the night! :) 

A fun little coffee shop we found in the middle  of China! These gems are so fun!

Do we look like we know what we are doing?? 

36 cribs later and lots of laughs... it was time for bed!

Um.... 

LUOYANG HAS A STARBUCKS!! Emma and I may never come home now! 

So thankful for each and every one of you!!

Blessings,

Sarah

I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.

-John 8:12- 

Sufficient Wisdom

My journey through life has pulled me through the debates of short-term mission trips- Are they working? Are they not? I have read, researched, and racked my brain, searching for revelations and solutions that ease my anxieties. So, weeks before Guatemala I prayed for wisdom concerning short-term trips. My naïve prayer for wisdom was rooted in a fear that my journey to Guatemala would be found worthless.

One early morning in Guatemala, while sipping on coffee, I stumbled across this verse:

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding.” –Psalm 111:10

The words jumped off the page and shook me. The fear of the LORD. Deeply rooted wisdom is not found in books or in schooling, but in fear that we have for our God.

But, what does that look like in a moment-to-moment basis? I had no clue. If I was home, I would Google “What does it look like to Fear the Lord?” and read through other people’s words and thoughts. But, being that we were deep in the jungles of Guatemala, far from a Wi-Fi connection, I was left to ponder the thought on my own.

The question played over and over in my mind: “What does it mean to Fear the LORD?”

That particular day I was signed up for kid-duty, which meant occupying hoards of children, away from our clinics. Normally, I love playing with children, but that day, I wanted to be in the clinic, working alongside nurses and doctors, not playing endless rounds of duck-duck-goose. I mean, after all, what would I learn out here when I could be in there?

We played chalk, sang songs, and played running games with the children before they decided that we would walk down the road. We walked hand-in-hand with children through a land that God has so lavishly designed. My Spirit seemed to sigh a breath of release, for as we were walking, I was overwhelmed. This is the Fear of the LORD. The Fear of the LORD is living a life with God-given-richness, and attributing each and every blessing back to the one who bestowed them upon us in the first place.

My Fear of the LORD manifested itself not in the profound thoughts of theologians, but found me holding the hands of His children, walking through a world He created, on a day that He made, with a Spirit of joy and peace that He so graciously gave me.

Our church recently finished a series on the Word of God. One of my favorite nuggets of wisdom I heard was “What cannot be known perfectly can be known sufficiently.” I may not ever know all of the answers to what part mission trips play in our spiritual lives or in the kingdom work. But, I can know it sufficiently. I know that as I approach every moment of my life with the Fear of the Lord, I may be satisfied. And for that I am thankful. 

Have you ever seen something so beautiful?? And the pictures can't even do it justice. 

Some of my precious friends from the week!

We traveled to the other village via standing in the back of a truck. So. much. fun.

No words. 

The other village that we drove to with a breathtaking view.  

We gave LOTS of kids fluoride treatments!! 

Our entire team... (I have no idea what I was thinking...)

Learning how to make tortillas with our wonderful cook- Cata!! 

Bonding time while washing dishes!

Always holding hands! Yay!

Learned a lot about dentistry! I think I'll stick to nursing...

I was in Dr. Sherman's class- "Medical Missions" and decided that I had to go to Guatemala with him and his wife. They taught me so much within the span of one week! 

I've found my calling- Bubble Coordinator... it's literally a line to blow bubbles.  

Thankful for these friends!!

Our beautiful hotel in Antigua!

On our day off in Antigua- we hiked a volcano and got to roast marshmallows at the top!