Dear Liliana: Praying

Dear Liliana,

Today, I saw a child that reminded me of you. All I could see was his body as his face was buried into his mother, but his jet black hair and small frame reminded me of you. I felt like my stomach dropped to my knees for those few brief seconds when I really believed that it was you. Oh, how I miss you. Oh, how I worry about you. I love you, more than you will probably ever know. You are precious to me, special to me, and I pray that one day you can feel a love like the one that I have for you.

I babysat two little children today. As we run around the house going to the 'beach' and 'camping', I realize how much I love these little children. But, the minute that I realized how much fun I was really having and how much I was really enjoying myself, I realized that I wanted to be with you. I want to swoop you into my arms and hold you close to my body, only to let you go so that we can go off and play together. You can drag me around,  we can play with dolls and you can live, just like a precious little girl should.

But, instead of holding you in my arms, I post your picture around my room, my phone, my computer, my car, wherever I can so that when I see your bold eyes and your dark hair I can pray fervently to our God, praying for your forever family. There are nights when I can't sleep, because when I close my eyes, I think about you. I wonder where you are, I wonder what you are doing, and I wonder how you are feeling. God has given my heart a burden for the plight of orphans all around the world, but he has burdened my life and my soul with you. There are days when I wonder why I can't stop thinking and worrying about you and there are days when I want to cry out to God in anger because I wish I had never met you, the burden seems too heavy to carry. How can I live my life, knowing that on the other side of the world, you live a life, void of a family? And how can I continue live comfortably when the love that I feel for you weighs heavy on my mind?

I pray, that one day our paths will cross again. I pray that you will have a forever family that loves you and cherishes you through all of your days. And I pray that I will never ever forget you and that I will never ever stop praying on your behalf. I pray that God will bring you little comforts and little joys throughout your day and that when you close your eyes to sleep at night, you will have sweet dreams.  I pray that one day you will see the light, life, and love that Jesus brings us and that one day you will allow him to be your savior so that we can spend eternity together in heaven. I am praying for you. And I love you.

Love,

Sarah

Dear Liliana

 My precious Liliana,

I can't get you off my mind today. Your little face has been plastered in my mind, your precious little words and voice are stuck ringing in my years, and your beautiful brown eyes have been digging deep into my soul; it's almost as if you were here with me, in my arms. Oh darling, how I pray that one day, you may rest in someone's arms. Day and night I pray that somehow, in his wondrous ways, God will give you a forever family. A family that will love you, cherish you, and express to you how special and worthy you really are.

I know that you have moments when you realize you aren't like all of the other children. Something just isn't right, but no one is really sure what's wrong with your body.  I wish somebody knew what was wrong, so that they could help you.  To me, you are precious no matter what, but I fall on my knees in earnest prayer for you. I let  tears stream down my face as I cry out to God for your sake. I wish that you could run and play like all the other little children, that you could manage somewhat by yourself, and that your little body functioned normally. It breaks my heart that no one is  carefully taking time with you, to carefully check your little body, to carefully observe you, to carefully take x-rays, to carefully take your temperature, or to carefully diagnose you, so that we could carefully figure out how to heal you.

You are the reason that I cried Liliana. The other day I got to tour a big hospital in my city that takes care of disabled or sick children, children like you. It is one of the best hospitals in our country. I was on a special floor where they take the sickest of the sickest, they figure out what's wrong with them and they help them get better. It was amazing how much care and love each patient was receiving. A team of doctors and nurses attended each child and knew what each patient's situation was and spent a lot of time trying to figure out to help each patient.  The hospital itself was breathtaking and wonderful. But, I couldn't help but think of you.

I want you to have  team of nurses and doctors that will spend however long it takes just to figure out what you need, just to figure out what makes you most comfortable, just to care for you. Every bone in my body wanted to fly quickly and pick you up, bring you back with me and set you in one of those beds. And after bringing you here, I wanted to run up and down the hallways yelling- "COME LOOK AT HER! She needs help! Please, help her! I love her." And in my prayerful vision you would be healed, you would be happy and safe, and your body would be 'normal'.

But, this world is not 'fair' and you have done nothing wrong to 'deserve' your situation, it is the result of a sinful and broken world. I wish with every part of my being that you could be here and I could hold you and love on you and care for you. Instead, you sit on the other side of the world. I'm not sure if you are still alive and well, I'm not sure what you are doing at this moment- eating, taking a bath, playing, crying, but I do know you are breaking my heart. From half way around the world. So, although I cant come pick you up and bring you to one of the best hospitals in the world, I will run through the hallways of my life and I will cry out on behalf of  all orphans and their plight. I will scream so that others may see that they need help. I will fight a fight that the orphans of the world may not be able to fight for themselves, all because of you.

I love you so much! I pray that the next time I see you, you will  be with your forever family, and alive and well. ;) I love you, my baby girl.

Sarah